41Zhaozhou in the Hall上堂

One day Zhaozhou took the high seat. A monk stepped out and bowed. Zhaozhou put his palms together and said, "Take care of yourself."

Another day a monk bowed. Zhaozhou said, "Go ahead, ask a good question." The monk said, "What is Chan?" Zhaozhou said, "It's overcast today. No answers."

He asked a newcomer, "Where are you from?" The monk said, "From no particular direction." Zhaozhou turned his back on him. The monk picked up his sitting mat and circled around to face him again. Zhaozhou said, "Some 'no particular direction.'"

He asked a newcomer, "Where are you from?" "From the south." Zhaozhou said, "Three thousand miles between us, so don't play games." "I'm not." Zhaozhou said, "Picking willow blossoms, picking willow blossoms."

Fenggan came to Mount Wutai. At the foot of the mountain he met an old man. Fenggan said, "Could you be Manjushri?" The old man said, "There can't be two Manjushris." Fenggan bowed, and the old man vanished. A monk told Zhaozhou this story. Zhaozhou said, "Fenggan only had one eye." Then he had Wenyuan play the old man and played Fenggan himself. Zhaozhou said, "Could you be Manjushri?" Wenyuan said, "How could there be two Manjushris?" Zhaozhou said, "Manjushri! Manjushri!"

Zhaozhou questioned two newcomers. To the first: "Have you ever been here before?" "No, never." Zhaozhou said, "Go drink your tea." He asked the other, "Have you ever been here before?" "Yes, I have." Zhaozhou said, "Go drink your tea." The head of the temple asked, "Master, the one who's never been here you send off for tea, fine. But why send the one who has been here off for tea too?" Zhaozhou said, "Head of the temple." "Yes?" the man said. Zhaozhou said, "Go drink your tea."

Zhaozhou came to Yunju's place. Yunju said, "You're old, you're worn out. Why not find somewhere to settle down?" Zhaozhou said, "Where could I settle?" Yunju said, "There's an old temple site just ahead." Zhaozhou said, "In that case, go settle there yourself."

Zhaozhou also came to Zhuyu's place. Zhuyu said, "You're old, you're worn out. Why not go find somewhere to settle down?" Zhaozhou said, "Where could I settle?" Zhuyu said, "Old and worn out, and you don't even know where to settle." Zhaozhou said, "Thirty years I rode horses, and today a donkey threw me."

Zhaozhou went into Zhuyu's quarters and looked all around, up and down. Zhuyu said, "Taking a spill on flat ground? What for?" Zhaozhou said, "Only because I'm careless."

One day Zhaozhou walked into Zhuyu's dharma hall carrying his staff, pacing east and west. Zhuyu said, "What are you doing?" Zhaozhou said, "Testing the water." Zhuyu said, "Not a drop here. What's there to test?" Zhaozhou leaned the staff against the wall and walked out.

On the road to Mount Wutai there was an old woman. Whenever a monk asked, "Which way to Mount Wutai?" she'd say, "Straight ahead." And the moment he started off, she'd say, "There he goes again." Zhaozhou heard about this and went. He asked, "Which way to Mount Wutai?" "Straight ahead." The moment he started off, she said, "There he goes again." Zhaozhou came back and told the assembly, "I've seen through that old woman."

Zhaozhou saw a monk coming and held up a piece of burning charcoal. "Get it?" The monk said, "No." Zhaozhou said, "Don't call it fire. I've already told you." Zhaozhou held the fire up again. "Get it?" "No." Then Zhaozhou said, "Off east of here in Shuzhou there's Master Touzi of Mount Touzi. Go bow to him and ask. If you click, no need to come back. If you don't, come back here." The monk left. The moment he reached Touzi, Touzi asked, "Where have you just come from?" "From Zhaozhou. I came especially to bow to you." Touzi said, "What did old Zhaozhou have to say?" The monk told him the whole story. Touzi got down off his seat, walked three or four steps, then sat back down and said, "Get it?" The monk said, "No." Touzi said, "Go back and tell Zhaozhou." The monk went back and told him. Zhaozhou said, "Did you get it?" "Not yet." Zhaozhou said, "He didn't miss by much, did he."

Dongshan asked a monk, "Where are you from?" "I've been making sandals." Dongshan said, "Did you work it out yourself, or lean on someone?" "I leaned on someone." Dongshan said, "And did he show you how?" The monk had no answer. Zhaozhou answered for him: "If it had really taken, I wouldn't have crossed him."

Puhua was eating raw vegetables. Linji saw him and said, "Puhua, you're a lot like a donkey." Puhua promptly brayed. Linji let it drop. Puhua said, "That kid Linji has only one eye." Zhaozhou answered for them: "Just give him his usual fodder."

Baoshou asked Hu Dingjiao, "Aren't you Hu Dingjiao, Hu the Riveter?" "I wouldn't presume to say." Baoshou said, "Can you rivet empty space?" "Smash empty space and bring it to me." Baoshou hit him and said, "Later on some big-mouthed teacher will explain it to you." Afterward Hu Dingjiao told Zhaozhou the story. Zhaozhou said, "Why did he hit you?" "I don't know where I went wrong." Zhaozhou said, "He couldn't even handle that one crack, and you wanted him to smash the whole thing." At that, the Riveter got it. Then Zhaozhou added, "So rivet that crack."

Walking along the road, Zhaozhou met an old woman. She asked, "Master, where do you live?" Zhaozhou said, "West of East Temple in Zhaozhou." Later he raised this with the monks: "Tell me, which 'west' did I use?" One monk said, "The 'west' of east-and-west." Another said, "The 'roost' that sounds like it." Zhaozhou said, "The two of you would make fine salt-and-iron clerks."

Zhaozhou was strolling in the garden with an official when a rabbit ran past. The official asked, "Master, you're a great teacher. Why did the rabbit run from you?" Zhaozhou said, "Because I love to kill."

Zhaozhou saw a monk sweeping and asked, "Sweeping like that, can you get it really clean?" "The more I sweep, the more there is." Zhaozhou said, "Isn't there someone here who can clear the dust?" "Who is that?" Zhaozhou said, "Get it?" "No." Zhaozhou said, "Go ask Yunju." The monk went and asked Yunju, "Who is the one who clears the dust?" Yunju said, "You blind fool."

Zhaozhou asked a monk, "How long have you been here?" The monk said, "Seven or eight years." Zhaozhou said, "Do you see me?" "Yes." Zhaozhou said, "Suppose I'm a donkey. How do you see me then?" "I'd see you within the whole universe." Zhaozhou said, "I thought you had something. You've been eating all that rice for nothing." The monk said, "Then you tell me." Zhaozhou said, "Why didn't you say you'd see me in the fodder?"

Zhaozhou asked the cook, "Raw vegetables or cooked today?" The cook held up a single stalk. Zhaozhou said, "Few know gratitude. Many know none."

A lay attendant came to the temple to burn incense. Zhaozhou asked a monk, "He's over there burning incense and bowing, and you and I are over here talking. So right now, where is life?" The monk said, "Master, what is it?" Zhaozhou said, "In that case, it's over there." The monk said, "If so, that already comes first." Zhaozhou laughed.

Zhaozhou was debating with his junior Wenyuan. The rule: you couldn't try to win, and whoever won forfeited a flatcake. Zhaozhou said, "I'm a donkey." Wenyuan said, "I'm the donkey's belly." Zhaozhou said, "I'm the donkey's dung." Wenyuan said, "I'm the worm in the dung." Zhaozhou said, "What are you doing in there?" Wenyuan said, "Spending the summer." Zhaozhou said, "Hand over the flatcake."

Coming back from inside the palace, Zhaozhou saw on the road a banner pole with a section missing. A monk asked, "Did the missing piece go up to heaven or down into the earth?" Zhaozhou said, "Neither up to heaven nor down into the earth." "Then where did it go?" Zhaozhou said, "It fell off."

Zhaozhou was sitting when a monk stepped out and bowed. Zhaozhou said, "Take care of yourself." As the monk started his question, Zhaozhou said, "There you go again."

Zhaozhou was standing under the eaves and heard swallows chattering. He said, "Those swallows, chattering away, they sound like they're talking to people." A monk said, "I wonder if they'd agree." Zhaozhou said, "Faintly like a tune, just worth hearing, and then the wind blows it into another key."

A monk was leaving. Zhaozhou said, "Where are you going?" "Off to Min." Zhaozhou said, "There are a lot of troops in Min. Better steer clear." "Steer clear where?" Zhaozhou said, "Just right."

A monk came up for an interview and found Zhaozhou sitting with his patched robe pulled over his head. The monk started to back out. Zhaozhou said, "Don't go saying I didn't answer you."

Zhaozhou asked a monk, "Where are you from?" "From the south." Zhaozhou said, "Who was your traveling companion?" "A water buffalo." Zhaozhou said, "You're a fine monk. Why travel with an animal?" "Because there's no difference between us." Zhaozhou said, "A fine animal." "How could it agree to that?" Zhaozhou said, "Agree or not, give me back my companion."

Zhaozhou asked a monk, "Is there an ancestral teacher in the hall?" "Yes." Zhaozhou said, "Call him over to wash my feet."

Two monks in the hall kept deferring to each other, neither willing to take the head seat. The manager reported it to Zhaozhou. Zhaozhou said, "Make them both take the second seat." "Then who takes the first seat?" Zhaozhou said, "Set out the incense." "The incense is set out." Zhaozhou said, "Incense of discipline. Incense of meditation."

Zhaozhou asked a monk, "Where did you come from?" "From the capital." Zhaozhou said, "Did you come through Tong Pass?" "I didn't go that way." Zhaozhou said, "Today I've caught a salt smuggler."

At a dead monk's funeral procession Zhaozhou said, "Just one dead man, and countless people see him off." Then he said, "All these dead men, seeing off one living man." A monk asked, "Is it the mind that's born, or the body?" Zhaozhou said, "Neither body nor mind is born." "Then what is this?" Zhaozhou said, "A dead man."

A monk saw a cat and asked, "I call this a cat. What do you call it?" Zhaozhou said, "You're the one who calls it a cat."

The great lord of Zhenzhou came to visit. The attendant announced, "The lord is here." Zhaozhou said, "Long life to the lord!" The attendant said, "Not yet. He's only just reached the gate." Zhaozhou said, "And you said the lord was here."

Going to the outhouse, Zhaozhou called Wenyuan. Wenyuan answered. Zhaozhou said, "I can't teach you the dharma in the outhouse."

Passing through the shrine hall, Zhaozhou called the attendant. The attendant answered. Zhaozhou said, "A fine hall full of merit." The attendant had no reply.

Zhaozhou came to Linji's place and was just washing his feet. Linji asked, "What is the meaning of the Patriarch coming from the West?" Zhaozhou said, "I happen to be washing my feet right now." Linji came closer and cocked his ear. Zhaozhou said, "If you get it, you get it. If you don't, don't stand there slobbering over it." Linji shook out his sleeves and left. Zhaozhou said, "Thirty years on the road, and today I misplaced my footnote on someone."

Zhaozhou came to Guoqing Temple on Mount Tiantai and met Hanshan and Shide. He said, "I've heard about Hanshan and Shide for ages. Now that I'm here, all I see is two water buffalo." Hanshan and Shide promptly butted heads like bulls. Zhaozhou said, "Whoa! Whoa!" Hanshan and Shide bared their teeth at each other. Zhaozhou went back to the hall. The two of them came in and asked, "What was that exchange just now about?" Zhaozhou roared with laughter.

One day the two of them asked Zhaozhou, "Where have you been?" Zhaozhou said, "I went to bow to the five hundred saints." The two said, "Five hundred water buffalo, you mean. Saints?" Zhaozhou said, "Why have they all turned into five hundred water buffalo?" Hanshan said, "Good heavens! Good heavens!" Zhaozhou roared with laughter.

While traveling, Zhaozhou met two hermits, one with his hair in a child's topknot. Zhaozhou greeted them. Neither paid him any attention. Early the next morning the topknotted one brought a pot of rice, set it on the ground, and divided it into three portions. The hermit drew up his mat and sat close. The topknotted one drew up his mat and sat facing him, without inviting Zhaozhou. So Zhaozhou drew up his own mat and sat close too. The topknotted one eyed him. The hermit said, "Don't say you got up early. There's someone else traveling by night." Zhaozhou said, "Why not teach this boy some manners?" The hermit said, "He's from a decent family." Zhaozhou said, "I nearly let it slide." The topknotted boy stood up, looked at the hermit, and said, "What's all the chatter for?" Then he walked off into the mountains and was gone.

Zhaozhou was reading a sutra when the novice Wenyuan came in. Zhaozhou tilted the sutra to show him. The novice walked out. Zhaozhou went after him, grabbed him, and said, "Quick, say it! Say it!" Wenyuan said, "Amitabha Buddha. Amitabha Buddha." Zhaozhou went back to his quarters.

A young novice came for an interview. Zhaozhou told the attendant, "Send him away." The attendant told the novice, "The master says go." The novice said, "Take care of yourself," and left. Zhaozhou said, "The novice got in the gate. The attendant's still outside it."

While traveling, Zhaozhou came to an elder's temple. The moment he stepped in and they met, he said, "Got it? Got it?" The elder held up a fist. Zhaozhou said, "The water's too shallow to anchor a boat here," and walked out. He came to another temple. Seeing the elder, he said, "Got it? Got it?" The elder held up a fist. Zhaozhou said, "Free to give, free to take, free to grab, free to hold." He bowed and walked out.

One day Zhaozhou held up his prayer beads and asked an elder from Silla, "Do they have these where you come from?" "Yes." Zhaozhou said, "How do they compare to these?" "They're not like these." Zhaozhou said, "If you have them, why aren't they like these?" The man had no reply. Zhaozhou answered for him: "Haven't you heard? Silla is one place, the great Tang another."

He asked a newcomer, "Where are you from?" "From the south." Zhaozhou held up a finger. "Get it?" "No." Zhaozhou said, "Keeping well, I hope. No, you don't get it."

While traveling, Zhaozhou asked Daci, "What is the essence of wisdom?" Daci said, "What is the essence of wisdom?" Zhaozhou roared with laughter and walked out. The next day Daci saw Zhaozhou sweeping and asked, "What is the essence of wisdom?" Zhaozhou put down the broom, roared with laughter, and walked off. Daci went back to his quarters.

Zhaozhou came to Baizhang. Baizhang asked, "Where are you from?" "From Nanquan." Baizhang said, "What does Nanquan teach his people?" Zhaozhou said, "Sometimes he says even one who hasn't gotten it must stand sheer and alone." Baizhang shouted at him. Zhaozhou put on a startled face. Baizhang said, "Very sheer indeed." Zhaozhou did a little dance and walked out.

Zhaozhou came to Touzi's place and they sat down to eat together. Touzi passed Zhaozhou a steamed bun. Zhaozhou wouldn't take it. A little later Touzi had a novice hand Zhaozhou a flatcake. Zhaozhou took the cake and bowed three times to the novice. Touzi said nothing.

A monk painted Zhaozhou's portrait and presented it to him. Zhaozhou said, "If it looks like me, beat me to death. If it doesn't, burn it."

Walking with Wenyuan, Zhaozhou pointed at a patch of ground and said, "This would be a good spot for a checkpoint." Wenyuan went and stood on the spot and said, "Show me your travel papers." Zhaozhou slapped him. Wenyuan said, "Papers are in order. Pass."

Zhaozhou asked a newcomer, "Where have you just come from?" "Mount Wutai." Zhaozhou said, "Did you see Manjushri?" The monk spread his hands. Zhaozhou said, "Plenty of hand-spreading, but Manjushri's hard to see." The monk said, "Easy to choke a man with that breathless rush." Zhaozhou said, "If you can't see the wild goose in the clouds, how would you know the cold of the desert sands?"

A monk said, "I've come from far away to put myself in your hands. Take me in." Zhaozhou said, "In Sun Bin's school, why would you go drilling tortoise shells?" The monk shook out his sleeves and left. Zhaozhou said, "He thought he'd thrive, and snapped both his own legs."

Zhaozhou went with the head monk to look at the stone bridge. He asked, "Who built this?" "Li Ying built it." Zhaozhou said, "When he built it, where did he start?" The head monk had no reply. Zhaozhou said, "You're always going on about the stone bridge, and when someone asks where the work began, you don't even know."

The head of a Silla temple invited Zhaozhou to a meal. Arriving at the gate, Zhaozhou asked, "What is this?" The man said, "Silla Temple." Zhaozhou said, "You and I are an ocean apart."

He asked a monk, "Where are you from?" "From Yunju." Zhaozhou said, "What does Yunju have to say?" "A monk asked him, 'When the ram has its horns caught in the hedge, what then?' Yunju said, 'Six sixes are thirty-six.'" Zhaozhou said, "So my old brother Yunju is still around." The monk then asked, "What do you think, Master?" Zhaozhou said, "Nine nines are eighty-one."

An old woman came to the temple late one evening. Zhaozhou said, "What are you doing?" "Looking for a place to spend the night." Zhaozhou said, "And what sort of place do you think this is?" The old woman roared with laughter and left.

Zhaozhou went out and met an old woman carrying a basket. He asked, "Where are you off to?" "Off to steal Zhaozhou's bamboo shoots." Zhaozhou said, "And if you ran straight into Zhaozhou, then what?" The old woman stepped up and slapped him.

Zhaozhou saw the temple manager putting out raw rice for offerings. The crows saw it and all flew off. Zhaozhou said, "The crows saw you and flew off. Why?" The manager said, "They're afraid of me." Zhaozhou said, "What kind of answer is that?" Then he answered for him: "Because I have murder in my heart."

Zhaozhou asked a monk, "Where are you from?" "From Jiangxi." Zhaozhou said, "Then where did you leave Zhaozhou?" The monk had no answer.

Crossing through the shrine hall, Zhaozhou saw a monk bowing. He gave him a whack. The monk said, "Bowing is a good thing." Zhaozhou said, "A good thing is no match for nothing at all."

Zhaozhou came to Tong Pass. The guard asked, "Do you know there's a Tong Pass here?" Zhaozhou said, "I know there's a Tong Pass." "Those with papers may pass. Those without may not." Zhaozhou said, "And if the emperor's carriage suddenly arrived?" The guard said, "Even that gets inspected." Zhaozhou said, "You're out to start a rebellion."

Zhaozhou came to Baoshou. Seeing him coming, Baoshou sat with his back turned. Zhaozhou spread out his sitting mat. Baoshou stood up. Zhaozhou walked out.

When Zhaozhou was at Nanquan's, Nanquan led a water buffalo into the monks' hall and walked it around the room. The head monk gave the buffalo three pats on the back. Nanquan let it go. Later Zhaozhou set a bundle of grass in front of the head monk. The head monk had no reply.

A scholar met Zhaozhou and praised him: "Master, you're a living buddha." Zhaozhou said, "And you, scholar, are the new Tathagata."

A monk asked, "What is nirvana?" Zhaozhou said, "My ears are bad." The monk asked again. Zhaozhou said, "I'm not deaf, you know." Then he gave a verse:

The man of the great way strides on;
the gate of nirvana is right in his face.
Just sit, with thoughts that have no edge:
next year, spring after spring.

A monk asked, "Life and death, two roads. Same, or different?" Zhaozhou gave a verse:

The seeker asks about life and death.
But how can life and death be argued?
The twin groves, one pool of water,
the bright moon lighting heaven and earth.
Look for it in his words and you've got it,
but that's only toying with ghosts.
Want to understand this life and death?
A madman telling his spring dreams.

A monk asked, "When the buddhas are in danger, they hide in the heart of the flames. When you're in danger, where do you hide?" Zhaozhou gave a verse:

He says the buddhas have their dangers.
I say it's he who's in trouble.
Just watch how I dodge danger:
where is there anything to follow?
Being and nonbeing miss the point,
coming and going aren't coming and going.
I'll tell you the way out of danger:
face to face, you'll know it when it comes.