6Zhaozhou Takes the Hall上堂

師上堂云：「兄弟，你正在第三冤裏。所以道，但改舊時行履處，莫改舊時人。共你各自家出家，比來無事，更問禪問道，三十、二十人聚頭來問，恰似欠伊禪道相似。你喚作善知識，我是同受拷。老僧不是戲好，恐帶累他古人，所以東道西說。」問：「十二時中如何用心？」師云：「你被十二時使，老僧使得十二時。你問那箇時？」問：「如何是趙州主人公？」師咄云：「這篐桶漢！」學人應諾，師云：「如法篐桶著。」問：「如何是學人本分事？」師云：「樹搖鳥散，魚驚水渾。」問：「如何是少神底人？」師云：「老僧不如你。」學云：「不占勝。」師云：「你因什麼少神？」問：「『至道無難，唯嫌揀擇』，是時人窠窟？」師云：「曾有問我，直得五年分疎不得。」有官人問：「丹霞燒木佛，院主為什麼眉鬚墮落？」師云：「官人宅中變生作熟是什麼人？」云：「所使。」師云：「却是他好手。」僧問：「毗目仙人執善才手，見微塵佛時如何？」師遂執僧手云：「你見箇什麼？」有尼問：「如何是沙門行？」師云：「莫生兒。」尼云：「和尚勿交涉。」師云：「我若共你打交涉，堪作什麼？」問：「如何是趙州主人公？」師云：「田厙奴。」問：「如何是王索仙陀婆？」師云：「你道老僧要箇什麼？」問：「如何是玄中玄？」師云：「說什麼玄中玄？七中七，八中八。」問：「如何是仙陀婆？」師云：「靜處薩婆訶。」問：「如何是法非法？」師云：「東西南北。」學云：「如何會去？」師云：「上下四維。」問：「如何是玄中玄？」師云：「這僧若在，合年七十四、五。」問：「王索仙陀婆時如何？」師驀起打躬叉手。問：「如何是道？」師云：「不敢，不敢。」問：「如何是法？」師云：「敕敕攝攝。」問：「趙州去鎮府多少？」師云：「三百。」學云：「鎮府來趙州多少？」師云：「不隔。」問：「如何是玄中玄？」師云：「玄來多少時也？」學云：「玄來久矣。」師云：「賴遇老僧，洎合玄殺這屢生。」問：「如何是學人自己？」師云：「還見庭前栢樹子麼？」

Zhaozhou took the high seat and said: Brothers, you're sitting right in the middle of your third lifetime of grief. So I tell you: change the road you walk, not the one who walks it. We all left home together. Nothing was wrong, until you started asking about Chan, asking about the Way. Twenty, thirty of you crowd in to ask, as if I owed you some Chan, some Way. You call me a wise teacher. I'm just one more man taking the beating alongside you. I'm not doing this for fun. I'm afraid of dragging down the old masters, so I run my mouth, east and west.

A monk asked, "All day long, how should I use my mind?"
Zhaozhou said, "You get used by the hours. I use the hours. Which one are you asking about?"

A monk asked, "Who is the master in charge here at Zhaozhou?"
Zhaozhou barked, "You bucket of hoops!"
The monk answered, "Yes?"
Zhaozhou said, "Then hoop the bucket properly."

A monk asked, "What is my own original business?"
Zhaozhou said, "The tree shakes, the birds scatter. The fish startle, the water clouds."

A monk asked, "What kind of person has no spirit left in him?"
Zhaozhou said, "I'm not as good as you."
The monk said, "I'm not trying to win."
Zhaozhou said, "Then why so short on spirit?"

A monk said, "'The perfect Way is not hard; just quit picking and choosing.' Isn't that the very hole everybody falls into these days?"
Zhaozhou said, "Somebody asked me that once. Five years, and I still couldn't get clear of it."

An official asked, "Danxia burned a wooden Buddha. Why did the temple director lose his eyebrows and beard?"
Zhaozhou said, "When your kitchen turns raw food into cooked, who does it?"
The official said, "A servant."
Zhaozhou said, "Turns out he's the skilled one."

A monk asked, "When the sage Bhīma took Sudhana's hand and saw buddhas as countless as dust motes, what was that like?"
Zhaozhou took the monk's hand and said, "What do you see?"

A nun asked, "What is the practice of a monk?"
Zhaozhou said, "Don't have a baby."
The nun said, "Master, that has nothing to do with it."
Zhaozhou said, "If I got tangled up with you, what good would it do?"

A monk asked, "Who is the master in charge here at Zhaozhou?"
Zhaozhou said, "Farmhand."

A monk asked, "What is the king's call for saindhava?"
Zhaozhou said, "You tell me. What is it I want?"

A monk asked, "What is the mystery within the mystery?"
Zhaozhou said, "What mystery within the mystery? It's seven within seven, eight within eight."

A monk asked, "What is saindhava?"
Zhaozhou said, "In the quiet place, svāhā."

A monk asked, "What is Dharma, and what is not-Dharma?"
Zhaozhou said, "East, west, south, north."
The monk said, "How do I get hold of that?"
Zhaozhou said, "Up, down, and the four corners."

A monk asked, "What is the mystery within the mystery?"
Zhaozhou said, "If that monk were still alive, he'd be seventy-four or seventy-five."

A monk asked, "What about the king's call for saindhava?"
Zhaozhou suddenly stood, bowed, and folded his hands.

A monk asked, "What is the Way?"
Zhaozhou said, "Pardon me, pardon me."

A monk asked, "What is the Dharma?"
Zhaozhou said, "Order! Order! Attention! Attention!"

A monk asked, "How far is Zhaozhou from Zhenfu?"
Zhaozhou said, "Three hundred miles."
The monk said, "And how far is Zhenfu from Zhaozhou?"
Zhaozhou said, "No distance at all."

A monk asked, "What is the mystery within the mystery?"
Zhaozhou said, "How long have you been at this 'mystery'?"
The monk said, "A long time now."
Zhaozhou said, "Lucky for you, you ran into me. Any longer and the mystery would have killed you, you poor wretch."

A monk asked, "What am I, really, my own self?"
Zhaozhou said, "You see the cypress tree out in the yard?"

Pointer

Not a single case but a whole afternoon of questions, strung together by the compiler. A few terms unlock it. A "wise teacher" is the stock honorific for an awakened guide, and Zhaozhou keeps shrugging it off. "Saindhava" is an old Indian riddle-word that meant salt, water, a horse, or a vessel depending on the moment, so a good servant brought the right one unprompted; asking "what is saindhava?" is really asking whether you can read a situation without instructions. The line a monk quotes, "the perfect Way is not hard, just quit picking and choosing," opens a poem everyone in the room had memorized, and Zhaozhou treats quoting it as exactly the mental fidgeting it warns against. Danxia once burned a wooden Buddha for firewood on a cold night, and the joke is that the scandalized by-the-book monk is the one who lost his eyebrows to bad karma, not the man who burned the statue. Through all of it Zhaozhou never defines anything; he keeps shoving each monk back into the physical world, your own hand, the kitchen fire, and last the cypress in the yard that became Gateless Gate 37.